Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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