trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
