Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
