If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
