sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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