I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
