After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
