The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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