come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
