Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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