Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
