I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Green mimosas i think yes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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