I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize