R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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