I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
