i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
