My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize