Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
