Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize