his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
