I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
