I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
