fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
