Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
