You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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