Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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