even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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