he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
