I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
