I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
