Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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