also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I did not marry a roomba.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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