Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
