He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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