mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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