so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
