your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
