you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
