you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
