I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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