i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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