you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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