The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
