Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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