I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
