while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize