he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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