Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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