Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
