you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
