so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
