you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
