soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
