I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
