just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
