there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I would fuck him just for his dog
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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