I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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