She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
