So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
