Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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