I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
