Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
