Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
