we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
