Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
