How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
