That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
