There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I still have a little drunk in my system
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
