im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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