What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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