you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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