walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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