I wish you could order shots online.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
