I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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