im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
